My Cancer Vision Board
I knew going through chemotherapy was going to be a rollercoaster. I was warned by medical professionals and my survivor sisters. My honest review after three rounds is it’s exactly that. The high’s are really high and the low’s make the minutes into hours and days endless. I’ve never experienced anything like this and while my body is handling it well, I’m currently in a downward roll. In an effort to pick myself back up, I’m going to practice what I’ve become really good at lately… making art out of a shitty time.
Throughout my cancer journey, many have reached out offering, “let me know if I can do anything.” While these gestures are nice, it’s been those who have offered their time, talents and skills in a specific manner that have made a world of a difference for me. One individual in particular and recent podcast interviewee, Integrated Wellness Therapist and my long lost high soccer school frenemy, Kat Smailis, shared her gifts with me exactly when I needed them.
Kat and I go way back to the fields of rival high school soccer teams growing up in the Region. After competitive fall seasons, we would come together in the spring and play for the same club team, quite the contrast. She and I lost touch after high school and only reconnected recently when she offered her services to help me survive and heal while battling breast cancer.
Currently, Kat works with individuals on self development to achieve their highest potential. On a weekly basis, we meet virtually and dig DEEP into my past and present, while envisioning a positive future for me beyond cancer.
One of the activities Kat encouraged me to do made me roll my eyes. She asked me to create a vision board for myself during chemo. The last time I made a vision board was out of Seventeen magazines in high school. I currently subscribe to zero magazines so I thought, ehh, this assignment isn’t for me. With some encouragement and creativity, Kat and I decided I could do it digitally with Canva, my favorite design program. I sat down and did the entire board in one sitting. And I can’t lie, I’m in love.
After initially rolling my eyes, I come to you today sharing this little piece of art I made in hopes to pick myself up and inspire you. If you’re headed for rough waters or going through what seems to be an endless dark tunnel, I encourage you to take Kat’s advice and vision board it out. When I look at my board, I see hope and colors and a positive future, even if my present isn’t exactly that at the moment.
Let’s break down my board.
CANCER FIGHTER
It’s what I am doing right now and who I became as of October 14, 2021. Although it’s a title I did not intend or chose, these photos to represent a badass and beautiful version of myself that reminds me I am strong and I can do this. Even if I lost all my hair and my boobs.
HEALTHY AS SHE CAN BE
Cancer is emotional. Sometimes I feel like a superhero who is defeating this life threatening illness, and other days I’d rather give up. I honestly eat with my emotions, which is why I labeled this section as, “healthy as I can be” not “healthy 100% of the time.” Because if I want to cry and eat all the Ben & Jerry’s… I will. But, I also have my main bish, kale, represented as a reminder to treat my bodily temple with care.
DOES WHAT SHE CAN
My athleticism and ability to workout were taken from me when I had my bilateral mastectomy on January 12. Since then, I’ve barely done more than burn 100 calories in a day. While I find my heart and body yearning to go for a run, I remind myself that right now I have ONE opportunity to heal from this major surgery… let’s get this right. If I can only walk for 25 minutes a day, then so be it. I’m doing the best I can with what I have. No pressure.
STORYTELLER
If I only had one label to give myself, this would be it. It’s my heart. My soul. What I was put on earth to do.
FEELS & KNOWS HERSELF
This one is really about listening to my body. I’ve always been someone who takes bodily care seriously, but now more than ever, I need to be tuned into what is going on. These photos represent doing what I need to do, such as listening to music or napping, to ensure I feel the best I can. Finding my breast cancer lump will forever be reminder how important it is to know and feel your body.
CREATES CONFIDENCE
One of the best things I’ve done during this time is treat myself. Whether it’s been high quality makeup or buying a piece of clothing I’ve had my eye on, I’m not going to hold myself back. However I need to reach for confidence, I will do it. Unapologetically.
OUTDOOR ENTHUSIAST
My favorite part of getting outdoors and into nature is the reminder of how small we are. Yes, cancer is a huge problem and has taken over majority of my life, but it is NOT the end all, be all. One day I will be free of this fight, and when I am, there is so much more life to live and see and do. Reminding myself I am an outdoor enthusiast is also a good reminder to get outside even if the Indiana weather isn’t cooperating.
ASKS FOR HELP
These images represent asking for help. Even when I think I’m strong enough. Even when I think it’s fine, I’ll just do this alone. Ask. For. Help.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this tour through my vision board. Thank you again to Kat for the encouragement and inspiration. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
